Meu Problema
One console was not communicating with the cartridge and/or the TV, for reasons unknown; the other was nonfunctional (and I thought unfixable) due to a catastrophic wine spill 2 years prior.
Minha Solução
The repair was a mixed bag. I was hoping to use the wine-soaked console for parts, but it turns out that the two consoles are slightly different models, and the part I wanted to swap out wasn't interchangeable between them. So I decided to try swabbing the wined board with isopropyl alcohol, and that did the trick! The acidity from the wine hadn't eaten away any of the traces, and the console is completely functional.
The 4.5mm Gamebit was just as useful as the Classic Pro Tech Toolkit, but the field wouldn't accept it as an option.
Meu Conselho
Don't spill wine (or anything else, really) into your consoles.
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